The Cynic's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce

Author:Ambrose Bierce
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: The Cynic's Dictionary is an indispensible resource offering satirical reinterpretations of terms in the English language, covering every aspect of human foolishness and frailty. A conspicuous, and it is hoped not unpleasant, feature of the book is its abundant illustrative quotations from eminent poets.Ambrose Bierce was an American short story writer, editorialist, journalist, fabulist, and satirist. His most famous work includes: An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge, The Cynic's Dictionary, Write It Right.satire, humour, humorous, philosophical, cynic, cynical, devilish, hot, politically incorrect, wisdom, dictionary, reference, fabulist, fabulous, society, fashion, style, social, personal
Publisher: The Big Nest
Published: 2014-01-20T00:00:00+00:00

LONGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.

LONGEVITY, n. Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

LOOKING-GLASS, n. A vitreous plane upon which to display a fleeting show for man’s disillusion given.

The King of Manchuria had a magic looking-glass, whereon whoso looked saw, not his own image, but only that of the king. A certain courtier who had long enjoyed the king’s favor and was thereby enriched beyond any other subject of the realm, said to the king: “Give me, I pray, thy wonderful mirror, so that when absent out of thine august presence I may yet do homage before thy visible shadow, prostrating myself night and morning in the glory of thy benign countenance, as which nothing has so divine splendor, O Noonday Sun of the Universe!”

Please with the speech, the king commanded that the mirror be conveyed to the courtier’s palace; but after, having gone thither without apprisal, he found it in an apartment where was naught but idle lumber. And the mirror was dimmed with dust and overlaced with cobwebs. This so angered him that he fisted it hard, shattering the glass, and was sorely hurt. Enraged all the more by this mischance, he commanded that the ungrateful courtier be thrown into prison, and that the glass be repaired and taken back to his own palace; and this was done. But when the king looked again on the mirror he saw not his image as before, but only the figure of a crowned ass, having a bloody bandage on one of its hinder hooves—as the artificers and all who had looked upon it had before discerned but feared to report. Taught wisdom and charity, the king restored his courtier to liberty, had the mirror set into the back of the throne and reigned many years with justice and humility; and one day when he fell asleep in death while on the throne, the whole court saw in the mirror the luminous figure of an angel, which remains to this day.

LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

LORD, n. In American society, an English tourist above the state of a costermonger, as, lord ‘Aberdasher, Lord Hartisan and so forth. The traveling Briton of lesser degree is addressed as “Sir,” as, Sir ‘Arry Donkiboi, or ‘Amstead ‘Eath. The word “Lord” is sometimes used, also, as a title of the Supreme Being; but this is thought to be rather flattery than true reverence.

Miss Sallie Ann Splurge, of her own accord,

Wedded a wandering English lord—

Wedded and took him to dwell with her “paw,”

A parent who throve by the practice of Draw.

Lord Cadde I don’t hesitate to declare

Unworthy the father-in-legal care

Of that elderly sport, notwithstanding the truth

That Cadde had renounced all the follies of youth;

For, sad to relate, he’d arrived at the stage

Of existence that’s marked by the vices of age.

Among them, cupidity caused him to urge

Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge,

Till, wrecked in

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